Victorious Loser
I'm really struggling tonight. You see, God and I had a bit of a wrestling match today. Two guesses as to who won, and the first guess doesn't count.
What did we wrestle over? A yoke. Not a literal one, of course. Let me explain.
As a person who doesn't like choosing between turkey and ham, selecting a college has been a tough decision for me. But I've finally narrowed it down to two, and I've even managed to select a first and second choice. The problem is the difference in cost. It's considerable, and I bet you can guess which one is more expensive. That's right, my first choice.
Trying to make up the difference between the prices of the two school in scholarships has been no easy task. Do you know how much $80,000 dollars weighs? A lot. I speak from experience, I've been carrying it around on my shoulders for a few weeks now.
I was reminded today of Matthew 11:28-30 where Jesus says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest... For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
In frustration today, I decided it was time to confront God about the fault in this idea. (You can imagine how that worked out.) "Your yoke may be easy, but when I add it to everything else I'm carrying? Well that's not really helpful God."
And God said, "Oh, Jessica! Your right! Forgive my all-knowing self, I've been mistaken all these years!" Okay, so not quite. Actually not at all. That would have been a really disappointing answer.
I was brought to the humbling realization that I've been fighting with God lately. You see, God doesn't ask us to carry his burdens on top of our own. Quite on the contrary, He tells us to surrender our burdens to Him. In pride, I have refused to do this and instead, chosen to be bitter with God over what I have determined to be "my responsibility."
The irony of this story is that when I left "college choice 1" after visiting it for an overnight, my host gave me a card with a verse written inside. The verse was Matthew 6:33, "Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need."
So tonight, I'm letting go of my pride and surrendering. I'm laying this yoke, this burden, at the cross and then I'm leaving it there. Tonight, God and I have wrestled and God has won.
And losing never felt so good.
What did we wrestle over? A yoke. Not a literal one, of course. Let me explain.
As a person who doesn't like choosing between turkey and ham, selecting a college has been a tough decision for me. But I've finally narrowed it down to two, and I've even managed to select a first and second choice. The problem is the difference in cost. It's considerable, and I bet you can guess which one is more expensive. That's right, my first choice.
Trying to make up the difference between the prices of the two school in scholarships has been no easy task. Do you know how much $80,000 dollars weighs? A lot. I speak from experience, I've been carrying it around on my shoulders for a few weeks now.
I was reminded today of Matthew 11:28-30 where Jesus says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest... For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
In frustration today, I decided it was time to confront God about the fault in this idea. (You can imagine how that worked out.) "Your yoke may be easy, but when I add it to everything else I'm carrying? Well that's not really helpful God."
And God said, "Oh, Jessica! Your right! Forgive my all-knowing self, I've been mistaken all these years!" Okay, so not quite. Actually not at all. That would have been a really disappointing answer.
I was brought to the humbling realization that I've been fighting with God lately. You see, God doesn't ask us to carry his burdens on top of our own. Quite on the contrary, He tells us to surrender our burdens to Him. In pride, I have refused to do this and instead, chosen to be bitter with God over what I have determined to be "my responsibility."
The irony of this story is that when I left "college choice 1" after visiting it for an overnight, my host gave me a card with a verse written inside. The verse was Matthew 6:33, "Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need."
So tonight, I'm letting go of my pride and surrendering. I'm laying this yoke, this burden, at the cross and then I'm leaving it there. Tonight, God and I have wrestled and God has won.
And losing never felt so good.
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