Again.

Today I went to the prayer chapel.

Why is this relevant?  Why is it worthy of being the attention grabber to today's post?  What is so amazing about this?

Well, I went to the prayer chapel feeling worn and broken.  Again.

On campus, we have a beautiful little chapel complete with stained glass, small pews, pray journals, and a statue of Christ.  It's a quiet place for students to go when they are seeking God.  I like to go there when I am struggling with something.

And as I said, tonight I found myself in the prayer chapel.  Again.

I went there struggling with the same insecurities and frustrations that seem to resurface every few weeks as of late.  While I was there, I was convicted.  However, I was not convicted about anything I originally was begging God to reveal to me.

I was convicted that I was in the prayer chapel seeking God in the midst of my struggle.  Again.

It's certainly okay to seek God when we are struggling; in fact, that's what we should do.  But last time I was there, I was struggling with something.  And the time before that.  And the time before that.  And the farther back I thought, the more I realized every time I had been in there, I had been struggling with something.

There I was begging and complaining at the altar again when I felt God ask me, "Why have you never come here to worship me?  Why do you seek me so intentionally when you need something and then only offer up a quick prayer of thanks when I bless you?  Why do you never come to just praise me, not for something I've done, but for who I am?"

You see, maybe the reason I struggle so much with the same things is because I do not know my God.  As we praise God, we witness him revealing himself to us.  The words we sing or pray or write become more true to us.  But I only sought God when I was in peril, expecting him to be exactly where he was last time I finished telling him about my problems.

So next time I find myself in the prayer chapel, it will be with the sole intention of praising God.  I will not find healing by telling him over and over again about my problems.  I will find healing through Him.  And maybe it's time I thank Him for that.