Seeking Shadows

Sometimes I like to play God.  It never ends well.

Before you judge me, hear me out.  I love God.  I love Him desperately, to the point where I don't believe that I could ever live without Him.  But sometimes I want to chose my own path and hope that He will follow me.

I seek God, but I seek Him where I wish to find Him, not where I know He wants me to be.

But our God is a jealous God and He will not tolerate having to share us with idols.  He loves us too much for that.  In fact, one of the first commandments He gave Israel was to devote themselves singularly to Him: "You shall not bow down to them [idols] or worship them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God" (Exodus 20:5).

And yet I am tempted to divide my heart, thinking that if I only give Him an equal part then it will still be fair.  I forget that I am God's portion, not His prize.

God will not be a part of our lives.  He will not be second.  He will not settle.  He will ask everything.

Jesus instructed, "Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things [or earthly needs] will be given to you as well" (Matthew 6:33).

God is our life.  He is our first love.  He will win our entire hearts before He rests because He loves us too much to let us settle.  He will be our everything.  It is only then that we will realize, the things we chased were only shadows of a Beauty to great to imagine.  In Him, we will find more than we ever knew to seek.